talk it out with your favorite sexpert
By Sapphire Hill
Question: Every night there are three of us in bed, me, my wife and her cell phone. She is social media addicted I often feel like I can barely get her attention because she always has her face glued to the screen. Instead of talking to me, she’s laughing with strangers in groups. I don’t know if I should be concerned more that she’ll meet someone else or that she seems to have no interest in me. What do I do?
Sapphire’s Reply: Believe it or not, social media addiction has become a huge problem in many relationships, not just romantic ones. Society has become obsessed with being updated every few minutes, watching other people’s lives and nonstop stimulation. Ask your lady if you can have a talk with her and tell her how you feel about the amount of attention she’s giving social media and her phone. Together, come up with a policy for some phone free time. Maybe the phone goes everywhere but the bed, and bed time is couple time. You can even say no social media after this time. It really helps to have social media free zones. I myself had to start forcing myself to put my phone away when out to dine or even sharing a meal at home with others. It’s a workable situation, if you communicate.
Question: My boyfriend is a great guy, he treats me well, he is gainfully employed, spiritual, positive and I can’t get enough of being in his presence. We’ve been together for 3 years. When I met him, he had a three-year-old son. That child is now six and he’s like the child of Chucky or little Damien from the bowels of hell. Thankfully, he doesn’t live with us but he’s at the house every other weekend and over long school breaks. Summer is starting and he will be here for two months. I’m dreading it. Can I tell my man I don’t like his son?
Sapphire’s Reply: No, you can’t tell the man that you don’t like his son but you can take charge of your situation. No one but you can dictate what you will deal with or allow in your life. If an unruly kid is a deal breaker, you must ask yourself is it time to walk away. The problem isn’t the kid, kids are going to go through things; they will sometimes have emotional issues, they may just have no proper home training, regardless, they’re children and they’re works in progress. The child could either turn his whole attitude around tomorrow or become worse and worse daily, it’s a part of the thankless job that is parenting. I get it, he’s not your kid, but if you love his dad and plan to be with him for life, you’d have to take that kid on just as if you bore him yourself. They’re a package deal. You make your own decisions but make them wisely. Sometimes it’s best to walk away from situations that you feel aren’t for you, sometimes it’s best to grow through these experiences.
Question: Can it be real love if we met online? I really like this guy I’ve been talking to on Facebook for the last year. He suggested that we meet in person. He says he loves me and I think I have strong feelings for him but what if he gets here and it’s not the same?
Sapphire’s Reply: Breathe girl. Say it isn’t love, what’s the worse that happens? You find out you’re not compatible and stop investing time into a fantasy. At best, you meet your soulmate. The man suggested a meeting, not marriage right? Let him visit but be safe, set boundaries. Make him get a hotel, if he wants you to pay for his trip run. First day plan only public outings so you have time to get comfortable and see if you vibe in person. Meet your friend and see what’s possible.
Question: My guy works but he doesn’t make a lot of money. Three nights a week I work at a local strip club and make extra money that we need. My boyfriend hates it and is threatening to leave me if I don’t quit but if I quit, how will us and the kids get by. He doesn’t make enough.
Sapphire’s Reply: That’s tough because I’m sure there are all kinds of variations that affect your situation. In general, though, if something you’re doing is tearing apart the reason for doing it, there’s no point. Your guy makes money but not enough, if he leaves you, there will be even less coming in the home, and you’ll have to work extra hard as a stripper. I would highly suggest finding another job, maybe you’ll have to work five days a week too for right now, maybe one of you works days and the other nights. The point is as long as you have the common goal of providing for and protecting your family, you must work together not against each other. Family decisions should be made by both of you, I don’t hear him telling you not to work, but that you need a different job.
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